Our childhood experiences with money lay the foundation for our adult financial behaviors. Psychologists call the beliefs we internalize about money during childhood “money scripts.” These are unconscious narratives like “money is scarce,” “you have to work hard for every dollar,” “debt is shameful,” or “buying nice things proves I’ve succeeded.” We often absorb them from parents or the cultural environment.
For example, if your parents constantly fought about money or were extremely frugal, you might grow up feeling anxious about spending and obsessed with saving every penny (“money vigilance” script, which can lead to anxiety and never feeling secure even if you have savings). Alternatively, if you saw your family live beyond their means to keep up appearances, you might have adopted a “money status” script where you equate net worth with self-worth – potentially leading you to overspend on luxury items to feel good about yourself. Some people have a “money avoidance” script, believing money is bad or they don’t deserve it, which can cause them to subconsciously get rid of money by overspending or under-earning.
These scripts drive spending in subtle ways. For instance, someone raised to believe “we might not have enough tomorrow” could either become a hoarder/saver or sometimes the opposite – a YOLO spender (“you only live once, enjoy now because tomorrow it could all be gone!”). Another person whose family tied gifts to love might overspend on others to show they care, even if it strains their budget.
Recognizing your money beliefs is powerful. Ask yourself: What messages did I get about money growing up? How does that reflect in my habits? Perhaps you feel guilt when buying anything non-essential because as a kid you were told money is tight. Or you notice you’re replicating your parents’ pattern – say, avoiding discussing money with your spouse because it was taboo in your house, even though that leads to hidden spending or resentment. Awareness allows change. As one financial psychologist, Brad Klontz, notes, money scripts are typically unconscious and formed in childhood, but once identified, you can question and rewrite them.
A helpful exercise can be writing a “money autobiography” – reflect on early money memories, how your parents handled money, and how those experiences might be influencing you now. For example, if you realize you’re following a negative script like “I’ll always be bad with money,” you can consciously replace it with a healthier one like “I can learn and improve my financial skills.” It’s like updating the software in your brain.
In practical terms, understanding your upbringing’s impact might explain triggers. Let’s say you always buy name-brand clothes instead of cheaper options, and you trace it back to being teased for cheap clothes as a kid – that’s a childhood wound driving adult spending. Recognizing that can help you heal the underlying insecurity (maybe through self-work or therapy) so you don’t feel compelled to overspend on clothes for validation.
It’s also useful for couples: your partner’s money quirks probably have roots too. One might have grown up poor and spends now to “prove we’re not poor anymore,” whereas the other grew up during a family bankruptcy and fears every expenditure. By sharing those histories, couples can empathize and work through differences.
In summary, childhood shapes our financial blueprint. The good news is, any blueprint can be remodeled. By identifying and challenging outdated or harmful beliefs, you can change how you relate to money. You stop acting out the past and start intentionally designing a financial life that suits your present values and goals.